On this page, you can find information on how to help a friend, coworker, or loved one who is involved in an abusive relationship. If you want more information on how to help, see the DCCADV Resources page for local hotlines or support centers you could call for assistance.

Be informed

• Learn all that you can about domestic violence: inform yourself about the warning signs of abuse and the dynamics of power and control. This information will help you understand what your friend is going through and how you can help her. You can learn more from the National Domestic Violence Hotline or from NDVH’s Public Awareness website.

Be a resource

• Have information for her on resources she can turn to and encourage her to do so. She may not be able to keep this information at home without further endangering herself. However, the choice to seek services must ultimately be hers; forcing a victim to seek services or flee a relationship will only reinforce the feelings of powerlessness that abuse creates.
• Help her develop a safety plan. This will help protect her and prepare her for when she is ready to leave.

Be supportive

• Allow her to make her own choices, even if that means staying in the abusive relationship for the time being. Because of the sense of powerlessness that abuse creates, it is important for victims to feel that the choices she makes are hers alone. This creates a sense of empowerment that will help her on the road to future recovery.
• Don’t blame her or be angry at her if you do not understand the situation. Remember that it is not her fault and that leaving is not simple. Your anger and frustration will only alienate the victim and make her feel even more alone in her struggle.
• Listen to her. Sometimes what victims need most is someone to provide a sympathetic ear, free of judgment or blame. Try talking to her about the problem of domestic violence in a general way, and allow her to confide in you at her own pace. Do not impose your own ideas on her or underestimate her awareness of the danger she is in. She may you to listen to her more than anything else.
• Don’t give up on her. Victims will frequently return to their abuser after their initial attempts at separation; it takes an average of six attempts for a victim to successfully leave their abuser. If this happens, continue to support her and be prepared to help her when she is ready to leave for good.

Want to know other ways that you can help? Go here or here for more information.